the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
