Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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