So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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