drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
