i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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