i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
