My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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