Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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