I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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