Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
