Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
