shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize