He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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