I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
smell my finger.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
