God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
