I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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