just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
