just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize