I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
