Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
