I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
