at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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