My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
