you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
