your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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