i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
