We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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