what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
