i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You are the jesus of drinking
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