Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
