I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
