its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize