At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
