so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
