I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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