Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need a beard to bite.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
