My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
