hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
