remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
