i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've blown a few things in my day
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
