shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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