it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I want to have your abortion
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
