you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
