Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
