i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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