my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
