Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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