Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
