HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
