Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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