i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
