I'm going to jail i love you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
