take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
