i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
