she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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