3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
