totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize