you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
