I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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