She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
