if i can run in heels then i can drive
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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