I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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