Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
People in love make me want to vomit
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
