Tell her she can't have a vagina
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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