Buhtt sex?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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