im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
