I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
