I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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