just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize