You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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