everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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