If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
