So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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