THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize