What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
