Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
